It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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