Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Someone shit on the floor
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
