i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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