I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
