We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
