Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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