I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
