Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it was like eating out sand paper
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
