we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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