The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
