i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
