Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
