there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize