I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you would pick up someone in the library
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize