She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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