I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
