Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
