Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
