You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
