Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
