The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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