I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
