South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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