my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
