she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize