and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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