on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
