I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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