there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
