my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
