He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize