So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
