lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
