I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize