I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
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