If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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