I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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