girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
