moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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