I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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