Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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