so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
