the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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