how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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