it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
