I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
two words: eviction party
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
