Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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