Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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