Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
