how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
