8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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