I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
