i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
