She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
