im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
