i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
