dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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