people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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