Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
