Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Too much gin, very little bucket
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We were destined to go to rehab together
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
