we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
