My sheets look like a crime scene.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
