Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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