She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
