His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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