I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize