girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
