Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
