You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
