Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
pray to the hookup gods
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize