The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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