She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
